rollin' rollin' rollin'

On May 5 at about 4:30 am I found Aria in her crib on her tummy. I thought the rolling had begun....

So, for 15 days, I have had the video camera within arms reach every time she was on the floor. And, all I got was this...



"I'll just lay on my side, Mom. This is pretty comfy!"

Then, today, I decided to take a video of her rolling up on her side and then back to her back since that is all she ever does. And here it is...



Of course I got to the camera a little late and started recording as she was already on her side, but it was so fun to watch her!

The Most Precious Sound

The Results of Faith, Hope, and Perseverance: Emotions Part 2

I think the biggest emotional obstacle we had to overcome throughout our process was each other. We ran the course of different states of emotion and how we dealt with it over the years. In the beginning, there was excitement in trying to get pregnant. The excitement eventually led to frustration that it had not happened yet. Then, came the sheer, gut-wrenching, complete disappointment when we discovered there was a large problem. For several months it was very hard for us to talk about our situation with others, as I've mentioned. But it was also hard to talk about it with each other. Sure, we talked about the steps we were taking, when the next appointment was, etc, but we never talked about the emotional toll it took over both of us. I cannot entirely speak for Justin, but since discussing it once it all had passed I can say a little of how we both were feeling.

First of all, if you are a struggling couple out there, I highly recommend you don't follow in our footsteps, but I'm guessing you might reach this point at some time, too. It is so important to be honest with each other and to share your feelings, as cruel and devastateing as they may seem. God has placed each couple together in marriage and in that rite, you become a team. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." (Ephesians 5:31) In any life struggle, it is not HIS struggle or HER struggle, it is OUR struggle, because any married couple is united as ONE. Well, we can definitely say that is a big thing we learned from this, but we didn't go by it at first. I was always afraid to tell Justin about my sorrow, anguish, and fear that I may never be able to have a child because I was afraid of hurting him and making him feel like he wasn't good enough for me. He already beat himself up enough because he knew he was the cause of me possibly never experiencing pregnancy. I am pretty sure he had thoughts that maybe I'd be better off with someone else. But I NEVER wanted to think about that possibility. For about 8 months we lived on pins and needles like this, afraid to show our emotions because we didn't want to make the other one feel bad. It wasn't healthy. We sat in silence a lot. We didn't smile very much. We didn't have fun. We kept everything bottled up and occasionally the bottle would burst, which isn't healthy either. We should have talked about the emotions as they came about, but we were too afraid of hurting each other. Instead, we were hurting ourselves.

Once we decided to share our story with some of our very close friends, it started to get better between the two of us, as well. We cried and shared emotions in front of our friends and it made it easier to share them with each other. And, once we learned more about what the problem was and how we could go forward, things were looking up and we felt better talking about it. We kept meaning to meet with our pastor from church, but never got it accomplished until July of 08 once we knew we had an appointment at the in vitro clinic in September. He reminded us that we are ONE and should communicate completely open and honest and that God was with us every step of the way. Even though we had come a long way in our emotional state by that time, it was still nice to talk to him and get another person on board for support.

Once we reached the actual in vitro appointments and process, we were ONE awesome team. We supported each other tremendously and always shared our feelings. We spent a lot of time talking about what we were going through and helping each other deal with it. When one person was having a rough day, the other would be the rock for the day. Then, it would switch for the next day. Justin and I have been best friends from the beginning. When we began dating we didn't even go on a "date" for more than a month because we just enjoyed hanging out in a dorm room watching tv or talking. We have always been a great 'team'...to play on our obsession with sports. But once we started those in vitro cycles, we were an even greater team. We did everything together. For every one of the more than 200 shorts and blood draws, Justin was there to hold my hand. For every ultrasound, egg retrieval procedure, embryo transfer, and for every phone call to Iowa City to learn the latest update, we did it all together. I don't think we would be where we are today if we hadn't done everything together like that. I can't imagine doing any of it by myself. Justin would tell you I was tough throughout the process, but he was the rock. He was strong and encouraging to me while I was on the hormonal emotional roller coaster. I'm sure there were days I supported him, but most of the time, he was supporting me.

It took some time, but we eventually figured out how to handle it all...as ONE, with everything all out on the table. I think part of the reason the whole process took so long was because God knew we needed that time to figure out how to handle it together. He wanted us to grow closer before we added Aria to our family. At least I think that is part of what God wanted for us. There is definitely much, much more that he taught us that will be posted at a later date.

7 years ago (yesterday)

I meant to get this up yesterday but a certain little girl had other plans...

On Wednesday, May 14, 2003 I was finishing up finals week of my senior year of college at Mount Mercy. Justin and I both had some errands to run so we went together to do it around lunch time. Justin suggested we grab some Dairy Queen and eat it at Ellis Park in Cedar Rapids because it was a beautiful day! We found a spot near the water and ate. Pretty soon, Justin jumps up and goes to the trunk of his car. He came back with a rose and tears rolling down his cheeks. He said the rose represented our past and all the time we had spent together. He went back to his trunk and came with a second rose and said it was for the present and the great time in our lives right now. He returned to his trunk again and came back with a third rose, in which he said was for our future and also had a beautiful diamond ring attached! He was on his knee and through his tears asked me to marry him! It was the greatest day of my life! Oh, I said yes. :) I can't believe that was 7 years ago! I love you so much Justin. You are my best friend, life partner, and soulmate!

Mother's Day

After at least 3 Mother's Days of yearning to become a mother, I finally got to experience the pure joy of being a mom on Mother's Day. My awesome husband made it very special for me with some very heartfelt gifts. But most importantly, we had the opportunity to dedicate Aria to the Lord at church on Sunday morning. It was a simple process, standing in front of the church and declaring our committment to raise Aria to know Jesus and to encourage her to accept Him into her heart. It will be the most important decision of her life and I hope I am already teaching her what she needs to know. In our church we don't baptize babies because we think baptism is a decision each person should make when they are ready. Both Justin and I were baptized as babies, but now see how meaningful a baptism can be when you make the decision to trust in Jesus on your own. I can't wait for the day that Aria will hopefully make that decision. Here are some family pics from that gorgeous day!

The Results of Faith, Hope, and Perseverance: Emotions Part 1

I tried to tell our story in the previous posts by just kind of telling the facts and telling how we got from wanting to have a child to 3.5 years later actually having one. I'm sure I indicated some emotions in those posts, but I didn't come close to describing all the mental turmoil we went through. I know my blog has got some recent publicity to possibly be a help to those out there who might be experiencing infertility, so I think it is important for me to talk about the emotions we went through. For starters, when we first started trying to get pregnant we did not tell anyone we were trying. Personally, I think that is silly...to announce you are trying to get pregnant. It just isn't my personality. We wanted to announce we WERE pregnant, not trying. We just kept hoping for that day and as you have read, it didn't come. Once we discovered there was a problem, I didn't want to tell anyone that either. I felt like we were the only people in the world to experience infertility and I felt embarassed to share it with anyone. I had no problem telling my parents because I knew they would support us, but I didn't want anyone else to know. Because of that, I withdrew myself from all types of friend groups and people who could have and eventually did support us. Looking back, I wish I wouldn't have withdrawn like that, but it was all part of the process and I learned a great deal from it. At that point in our lives, we didn't really have any close friends with small children or that were pregnant. Then came one night at our church group. A very good friend of ours announced they were pregnant and I just plain lost it. I had to leave the room and I didn't think I could go back. I thought I snuck out well enough to not make a scene, but not quite. The friend that had just announced she was pregnant, one of the most exciting times in her life, found me in the bathroom. I felt so horrible standing there crying for myself instead of congratulating her, but it also felt good to tell someone my secret. And my friend, who is one of the most gracious and loving people in the world, consoled me and shared in my grief. As time progressed, it turned out to be one of the greatest "medicines" for me to watch her pregnancy and the growth of her child once he was born. I feel like he was a part of my process to having Aria because I saw how great he was and wanted to do whatever I needed to be able to have that in my life. When our friends announced they were pregnant it was shortly after we found out we were going to have trouble. We didn't even know what in vitro was yet. So, for a long time, those friends were the only friends who knew of our heartache. Their support from that point forward was great. First of all, I know they were praying for us all the time. When I was pregnant with Aria almost 2 years later, I learned my friend made Aria a blanket as a way to pray for us on a consistant basis. That was one of the coolest things anyone has ever done for me and I am truly blessed to have that friend in my life! Secondly, my friend did a great job helping me divert questions about having kids from other friends. Which brings me to my next topic. Please, please, please, please...everyone out there reading this...think really hard the next time you want to ask a couple if they are planning to have kids or if they want to have kids or anything to do with having kids. Maybe other couples out there who are struggling with infertility can handle it better than I can, but I had an extremely hard time whenever anyone hinted at asking about kids. It almost always resulted in a 10-20 minute crying session. There were some people who were very innocent in asking the question and did it in a nice way and there were others who were down right rude about it. It didn't matter how someone approached the question, it hurt every time it was asked. I don't care if it is your best friend or your sister or someone you are just getting to know, I would advise leaving the kids question out. Usually, if a person is pregnant, they'll announce it. And, a lot of times when couples just aren't ready to try yet, they aren't shy about saying that. But, if the people just don't talk about kids at all, maybe you should leave the topic alone. I feel like I sound pretty blunt about this, but it was the hardest thing for me to deal with...answering to people who constantly brought up why we didn't have a child yet. And with that, my child is ready for her bedtime routine, so I'll have to continue later! :)

So Who Does She Look Like?

Of course everyone always has an opinion about who a child looks like...mom or dad. I have come to the conclusion that if the people know us because of Justin, they think Aria looks like Justin. If the people know us because of me, they think she looks like me. What do we think? She definitely has Justin's nose and body type, but her eyes, mouth, and hair are definitely mine! And Justin would tell you the same!

Creation Day

One year ago today Aria was created by God through the awesome work of the doctors at the University of Iowa! It amazes me that we have come this far and it has already been a year since we went through in vitro. I just want to praise God for his great work in creating such an adorable little girl. It is so amazing that something so precious can come from such small parts of 2 people. We are so blessed!

Aria Jackie Pegump

This is the picture we sent as a birth announcement to the University of Iowa and for our OB's wall of fame. We included her birth info, too.

Here is the email we sent to announce her arrival to all of our friends and family!
Aria Jackie Pegump was born on Friday, January 29 at 8:43 pm. She is 8 lbs. 15.6 oz. (We are trying to stay under that 9 lbs.:)) and 21 inches long. She is a perfectly healthy, happy baby and very adorable in our opinion! It was a long road to this miracle child and every step along the way was worth it!

Her Name:

Aria doesn't really have a special origin for us. A long time ago, I (Julie) taught swimming lessons to a little girl named Aria and have loved the name since. Justin agreed it was a cute and unique name and there was never any question or disagreement about it! We looked up the meaning and it depends on origin. Recently it is a form of Arianna, which means beautiful song or melody. If you go further back in history, it is said to be a form of the Hebrew Ariel, which means lion of God. We think both meanings are a fabulous description of our daughter!

Jackie has more meaning. Jackie was my (Julie) Grandmother's name. My Grandmother was a very special person. She taught pretty much everyone about God's love. She was constantly finding ways to tell us Bible stories and help us to understand God's love. She donated to just about every charity that existed and volunteered for every church function. I never really grasped how devoted she was to Christ until she died in 2005. When our family went through her belongings we found countless worn out Bibles, journals, notes on the back of envelopes, quotes, scripture, etc. everywhere. I knew my Grandma had a strong relationship with Christ, but I didn't know she spent so much time studying the Bible and journaling her thoughts. I learned that what my Grandma wanted most in her life was for her family and friends to trust Christ as their Savior, to study His word, to have a personal relationship with Him, and to do our best to live our lives like Him and love others like He loves us. I learned that you can't just go through the motions and be a true Christian. Those things we found really inspired me to become more like my grandma and to study the Bible more. Justin was transformed by these discoveries, too, and it has helped both of our relationships with Christ and our marriage. We hope we can continue my grandma's purpose and teach Aria about God's love and how to extend that kind of love to others as she grows and experiences this world.

Love,
Justin, Julie, and Aria Pegump

The Results of Faith, Hope, and Perseverance: Pregnancy

I'm sure many parents out there have experienced the feeling of knowing you are pregnant, but not knowing when to spread the news. We were especially cautious given all that we had been through. The nurse told us our next big hurdle would be to see the heartbeat on an ultrasound at 7 weeks. We kept our news to ourselves, plus our parents and very close friends who knew we went through in vitro. So, we had a few weeks to wait until we could see the heartbeat. I was starting to experience mild morning sickness, only I'm not sure why they call it morning sickness because I had it at all times of the day. Then, just a few days before our ultrasound appointment and hopefully next big hurdle, I experienced some bleeding. Looking back, it was really nothing much and I probably shouldn't even have worried, but worry is my middle name. After a few phone calls down to Iowa City, I think they were tired of me and agreed to do the ultrasound 2 days earlier than originally scheduled. We went in the room like many times before, but with a lot more on the line this time. Right away we saw our tiny little blob with a fast moving blink inside. The tech told us that was the heartbeat and the doctors confirmed everything was great!

This is our ultrasound a couple days before 7 weeks. The next huge hurdle cleared! We were so excited!


Strange to me, we were then released from the care at the University to a regular OB in Cedar Rapids. I felt funny not having to go to Iowa City all the time or being in close contact with them. They did so much for us and now they wouldn't know anything about our progress unless we told them. In fact, as we were leaving the University for the last time, our favorite nurse's last words to us were, "Send pictures....of your belly!" I thought that was really awesome because she understood what it meant to me to be pregnant and experience all parts of it, including the big belly! We did send them a picture of my belly and of Aria once she was born. We got a letter in return both times, which was unexpected and yet another reason why they are so great!

I remember calling the OB to make our first appointment there and I asked if they would do anything special for us because we went through in vitro and the nurse replied, "Nope. You are a normal pregnant person, now!" I loved hearing that!
We started becoming more confident sharing our news with others. I made a list of those I wanted to be sure and tell myself instead of it spreading across the internet. After I had exhausted my list, I told the last group on it, the basketball players I coach. We were about 11 weeks along at that point. I'm not kidding when I say that after I sent a text to 10 high school girls announcing my pregnancy, at least 50 more people knew right away, as well. So, if you ever need news to travel fast, tell high school girls! :)

As for the rest of the pregnancy, it was pretty uneventful and good. I can't say I was one of those women who "loved" being pregnant. Sure, I appreciated it and loved the idea of it, but I just couldn't wait for Aria to come out. Plus I worried about every ache and pain.

Along the way we got to have several ultrasounds. A few because Aria was hiding parts they needed to check and several because we were considered high risk because of in vitro, even though everything looked great! I had to include this one because I love the picture of her spine! This was at 24 weeks and when we were "regular" patients at the OB!


We had all the tests most pregnant people do for cystic fibrosis, strep b, and the quad screen. A funny story about the quad screen: that was a big deal to me. The quad screen predicts the likelihood the baby has a severe genetic disorder like down syndrome. We had the test done and had to wait 4 weeks for the results. At the next appointment, when we were nervous to hear if we had a normal baby, the doctor never said anything about it. He was about to let us go and I asked if they had the results. He looked and looked through his computer and finally found it as normal. He kind of shrugged it off like no big deal, but it was so important to us to hear that. After that test was normal we decided there was no reason to do an amniocentesis, as the University had recommended. If we would have done that test, we could know if Aria has a balanced translocation like Justin or if she is normal like me. Everything was going so well in the pregnancy, we just decided it wasn't worth it. If Aria has the condition, it shouldn't matter until she wants to have children and a blood test can be done to find out. By then, who knows what technology will be out there. So, for now, we don't know. We are just thrilled to have a happy, healthy, beautiful little girl!

Don't worry, my in vitro story isn't quite complete. There are a few more things I would like to share in regards to emotions and the wrong ideas about fertility clinics.