At first, I told myself I would not post anything about potty training for the public to read on Facebook or here on my blog. For some reason I just didn't think the world needed to know about Aria's pee and poop. The world probably doesn't need to know about her pee and poop, but I needed a place to get some encouragement through this long, difficult, frustrating, interesting process. Back in October I broke my own bond by seeking help from my fellow Facebook friends. We went through an intense-only-focus-on-potty-training-three-day-nightmare in our house and I needed some help. Aria was scared to go on the potty. It had nothing to do with keeping her undies dry. It had nothing to do with sitting on the potty, she just was scared of letting it come out anywhere but her diaper. Rewards didn't help. She was scared and I wasn't changing that.
Now that I am almost a month removed from that lovely three day nightmare, I realized I did it all wrong. The nightmare really had not much to do with Aria. I was bound and determined we were going to get her potty trained. I was intense, lacked patience, and was way too in her face about it all.
Aria is the reserved, sensitive type. She has always taken everything in from a distance before jumping in herself. And by jumping in I actually mean dipping in one toe. She is cautious. She needs time to decide when she is ready to do something. I'm not sure why I didn't apply that to potty training. In my somersault post the other day I talked about letting kids learn and do for themselves instead of forcing things upon them. I realized I needed to do that with potty training.
I am probably contradicting a lot of potty advice out there, but this is what worked for us: I put the ball in her court. I let Aria decide when she wanted to wear undies, which happened to be today. I reminded her that she needed to use the potty when she felt like she had to go. The one thing we did learn in our three day nightmare was that she could hold it. Like 5 hours hold it. Anyway, I was on the phone briefly this morning and Aria disappeared down the hall. About a minute later she came back and said, "Mommy, I'm just gonna go pee pee on the potty." I said okay and just let her go back and do it on her own. Pretty soon I heard, "Mommy I did it!" Sure enough she had went! I hadn't forced her. I hadn't even encouraged her. She decided to do it. I praised her with contained excitement because I didn't want a sudden outburst of joy to startle her. We continued about our morning and a little while later I found her in on the potty again. She had went again all on her own. It was fantastic!
The story gets even better. I have totally been expecting to do the pee pee first and worry about the poop later. She has been hiding behind the couch or in her room with the door shut for months when she goes poop. She can definitely control that. But, just before lunch time, Aria asked me to put a diaper on her. I said, "You've been doing such a good job going on the potty this morning, if you have to go, just go on the potty." Off she went down the hall. A few minutes later, she came running out to tell me she went poop. In. the. potty!!!!! Again, I used contained excitement, but she was awfully proud of herself, too. I cannot believe she did it, especially when I didn't have to do much to encourage her. It really worked for Aria to decide she was ready herself and to be willing to try it herself.
Aria is currently napping with a diaper on. I'm sure she's not 100% potty trained. I know there will be accidents, but today is a total break through for both of us. I wasn't planning to work on potty training today. Actually, I didn't really "work" on potty training today. Aria did it herself. Apparently today was the perfect day for her. I have learned a lot about my daughter's personality and my own short comings through this whole process. When it comes to skills like learning to use the potty, riding a bike, or playing basketball, I plan to let Aria decide when she is ready. I am here to encourage her and provide any help she requests, but I know she will be better off if I let her do it herself. I can't get in her face and I won't pressure her to do something she is not ready for.
It has been a long process, but today something clicked for Aria. I'm thankful for the patience God has given me to make it through it all.
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