Pacifiers. Not a fan. At all. Needless to say, my daughter needs one for sleep. We had quite the weekend learning that she does, in fact, need the pacifier. The story goes like this. On Friday, I put Aria down for a nap like normal. She always plays for 10 or 15 minutes before falling asleep. During that playtime I hear, "Uh oh mommy pa-bo (pacifier)" repeated several times followed by some frantic cries. It is a pretty rare occurrence that Aria loses her pacifier before going to sleep. She likes the thing so much, she doesn't lose sight of it when she is in her bed. So, being the nice, well-trained mommy I am, I went into her room and gave her back the pacifier she threw out on to the floor. Shortly after, Aria went to sleep. I settled in to my quiet time and it seemed the day would resume as usual.
After about 1.5 hours, Aria woke up crying frantically again. She often has wake-ups and I just ignored her, assuming she would go back to sleep like usual. Then I hear again, the dreaded, "Uh oh mommy pa-bo" between frantic tears. At that point I was near the end of an excellent book and I really just wanted her to go back to sleep so I could finish. Pretty selfish, I know, but all moms do need some 'me time' to remain sane. So, I went back in her room and gave her the fallen pacifier again. Aria went back to sleep.
About 40 minutes later, Aria woke up seemingly pretty happy. It wasn't exactly the best nap she's ever taken, but it would carry us through the day. Aria always gets about 30 minutes of play time in her bed when she wakes up from her nap. That alone time allows her to fully wake up and have a happy attitude for the rest of the day. She can get rather cranky if I don't give her that time. But as she was playing, yet again I hear, "Uh oh mommy pa-bo." This time it didn't have as many frantic cries to go with because she wasn't planning to go back to sleep, but she just kept repeating it over and over and over.
Finally, I went in to get her up. We sat down in the chair and had a little conversation about the pacifier. It went something like this:
Me: Aria, if you want to have your pacifier, you need to keep it in the bed with you. Mommy isn't going to come in and give you your pacifier if you throw it out of the bed.
Aria: No
Me: You don't want your pacifier any more?
Aria: No
Me: Are you sure you don't think you need your pacifier to sleep with?
Aria: No. Ack
Me: So are you ready to say bye-bye to your pacifier?
Aria: Yea
Me: You don't want your pacifier any more?
Aria: No. Ack
Me: If we get rid of your pacifier, it will be all gone and you will never see it again.
Aria: Bye-bye pa-bo.
Me: You are ready to say bye-bye to your pacifier?
Aria: Bye-bye
Me: I think if you are all done with your pacifier, we should throw it in the trash.
Aria: Yea, trash.
Me: I think Aria should go throw it in the trash if you don't want it anymore.
Aria: Yea
And, she proceeded to hop down out of my lap, pick up the pacifier, take it into the bathroom and throw it away. I told her to say bye-bye to the thing one more time and that was it. We celebrated and I told her I was proud of her. I talked about her being a big girl. Daddy came home and was proud, too. At bedtime, I reminded her that she threw her pacifier away and she said bye-bye again. She whined a little bit before going to sleep, but fell asleep much faster than I anticipated. She had a few wake-ups in the night, but got herself back to sleep. I thought we really might have crossed the pacifier-need threshold.
Then came nap time on Saturday. Again, we talked about saying bye bye to the pacifier and she insisted she didn't want it. About an hour after I put her down for a nap, I went back in her room to settle her down because she had not gone to sleep yet. She laid down. I rubbed her back for a few minutes. Then I left and she went to sleep. Okay, a little frustrating, but she still went to sleep and took a fabulous nap.
Saturday night we went to a wedding reception for my cousin. We got home late and Aria was exhausted. She went right to sleep, no problems. She woke up in the 4:00 am hour and was up for about 30 minutes crying, talking, and whining. I knew she was missing her pacifier, but she eventually went back to sleep.
Now today at nap time. Aria was not excited about going to sleep without her pacifier. I had to go in and settle her down again. She woke up 40 minutes later. She fell asleep and woke up 40 minutes later. I could tell she was extremely exhausted. When I went in to get her up after the very short and interrupted nap, she said she wanted her pa-bo. I reminded her it was all gone and she burst into tears. I just dropped it because nap time was over and I figured she would be so exhausted at bedtime it wouldn't matter. I was wrong.
She started asking for her pa-bo in her bath. She didn't want to get in her bed when it was time. And when I put her in there, she started screaming hysterically. I had planned to give this no pacifier thing a week. I figured it would be a rough transition, but that I just needed to give her time to get used to not having it. I actually wasn't even planning to take it away yet, but she indicated she was ready on Friday, so I went with it. But, the hysterical screaming didn't stop. I tried to go in and settle her down, but she clung to me and began screaming the moment I tried to leave the room. We decided it wasn't worth it. We gave in and gave her a pacifier, not the one she threw in the trash.
All weekend long, I've had this sense of dread over me, worrying about that dumb pacifier. I thought it might come to what it did tonight and it sure did. I didn't expect her to go to sleep without it at all, so she fooled me for a day and a half. I wasn't happy with myself for giving in so soon right after she finally got calmed down. But now that I sit here and type the whole thing out, I actually feel a sense of relief. Yes, I still hate the dumb pacifier. I wish I never ever would have given it to her in the first place. But, I also can see it is a crutch my daughter needs at this point. I am not willing to go through hysterical screaming and extreme exhaustion for all members of our family just to be tough and take away the pacifier. She indicated to me that she was ready, but I guess she had second-thoughts. At some point, we'll revisit the topic again and she'll eventually not need it anymore.
I am glad Aria only wants the pacifier for sleeping. When she was about three months old, we only gave her the pacifier for sleep so she has never desired it outside of her bed. I wash I would have just taken it away then and she never would have desired it period. For some reason, when she was first born, I thought babies were supposed to have pacifiers. It honestly never occurred to me to not use one. Now, seeing the addiction, I would advise any new parent to not use the pacifier unless you absolutely have to. And if you do use it, take it away before your baby is nine months old. Don't let the baby become addicted. They should learn how to fall asleep all by themselves, without any crutch. Obviously that is just my opinion and I didn't even follow my own rules. Hindsight is always much clearer.
From this point forward, I'm not sure when I'll attempt to coax the thing away from her. My original goal was to have the pacifier gone before we switch to a toddler bed. One transition at a time. We'll see. I'm probably going to be gun shy now. However, I have learned one lesson. I will not be going in to give her the pacifier if she throws it out of her crib anymore. She'll just have to suffer the consequences. She did prove she could go to sleep without it.
Oh, the joys of parenting. Here I am writing about her needing a pacifier. I'll blink and I'll be posting about whether or not to get her a cell phone. :)
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