If I Didn't Fear Public Speaking

Last night, our church held it's Thanksgiving service.  This is the first time we've ever been able to go and I'm so glad we did.  It was such a wonderful experience.  The night alternated back and forth between singing and an open microphone for people to come up and give thanks.  It was fun to have Aria in the service with us and see her reaction to the songs.  There were several that she knew and she loved watching the gee-taws!  :)  I always enjoy the music, but the stories people were willing to get up and tell were very powerful.  One tearful women described God's work in her life since her husband passed away a year ago.  She was afraid of being alone when she lost her husband, but God helped her know she is never alone.  There was a young girl, maybe 7 or 8 who talked about her visits to various churches, but this one helped her feel closer to God and was the best in her opinion!  There was a young man who had just committed his life to Christ last week.  It was just really awesome to hear people give thanks to God in front of strangers!

And if I wasn't so afraid of talking in front of a big group, here is what I would have said.  Always at the front of my mind, when it is time to be thankful, is Aria.  I am so very thankful to have a wonderful, healthy, beautiful daughter that is my very own.  Our infertility struggle was a huge roller coaster.  It was the worst low I have ever experienced.  But coming up out of it was also the greatest transformation I have ever experienced.  It took me a long time, but I am so glad we had our journey through IVF.  I absolutely would not change what we went through.  I would not be who I am without it.  Through the entire process, we had the most amazing friends who listened, who cried with us, who celebrated with us, who LIVED the whole thing with us.  It wasn't just our journey, but theirs, too.  They were completely selfless and let our sorrow, our emotions, our joy, and our story take over a part of their lives.  I am so very thankful for the R family, the I family, the H family, and the S family who were our small group when we went through IVF.  We would not have made it without them.

But that was really what I was thankful for two years ago and last year as we experienced our success.  This year, it takes on a whole new meaning because we now get to be the listeners.  You know, once I was comfortable with sharing our IVF story, I prayed God would give us an opportunity to help someone through the very same thing.  In my small mind, I envisioned being connected with a random couple through church or maybe even the U of I hospital and just chatting with them about the journey and encouraging them.  God, however, has way bigger and more awesome plans than that.  Shortly after Aria was born, God put a new couple in our lives as friends.  Over the past year and a half, we have shared many meals, many games, many laughs, and just genuine friendship.  And now, those people are very dear to our hearts.  And they are going through IVF.  You see, God didn't give me a stranger to mentor and speak with just a few times, he gave me a lifelong friend.  He is allowing me to be the listener.  He is giving me the opportunity to let their story take over a part of my life and it has!  I pray for them every day, sometimes multiple times.  I know what they are experiencing and I can pray specifically about it.  I can't wait for their success.  I can't wait to throw her a baby shower, just like I couldn't wait to have mine.  I have hope that God will work a miracle in their life, just as he did in mine.  It is hard because I know it is scary.  When you've wanted a child for so long, it is hard to believe it could actually happen.  IVF isn't easy.  There are shots, blood draws, ultrasounds, trips to IC.  But I look at my beautiful daughter and it is all absolutely worth it.  I can't wait for my friend to get to say that about her child, too.  Sure, it might not work.  We had a failed cycle and it was devastating.  But again, "...we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings because sufferings produce perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope.  And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:2b-5 (emphasis mine)  I have hope that only God can give. 

My friend, I am so thankful God caused our paths to cross.  I pray God will fill you with hope that this will work and you will be holding your child very soon!