It is actually quite weird. Usually I have this surreal "it seems like yesterday, yet it seems like forever ago" moment with these types of things. But it doesn't feel like yesterday. It feels like a lifetime ago. Yet when I say I've been in the real world for ten years, that seems too long. I think the main reason I've been reflecting on this so much is that I am a totally different person these days. That girl in the picture up there, she recently got engaged, recently got a teaching job, and had a whole life planned out. If you would have asked her where she would be in ten years, I guarantee she would have said still teaching at Linn-Mar with two or three kids. I know I didn't picture myself as a stay at home mom then and I thought I would eventually be one of those crazy people getting a 30 year service award. I loved my job and I loved the district. I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
Now I can't imagine doing anything else, either. I know it doesn't work for some and it is just personal choice for others, but I cannot fathom how I could possibly leave Aria in a day care and go to work all day. Could not do it. So glad I don't have to. Not only has it been the best for Aria, but it is the best for me, too. God knew I needed a pride and selfishness check. He knew I needed to see the world from a different viewpoint. He knew I needed to give up control.
While I still struggle with relinquishing control, I have come a long way. There is a totally different person sitting at this keyboard than the one staring back at me in that picture. Some say I look pretty much the same, but the inside is totally different. The biggest change? My faith. Thankfully we were pointed to our amazing church family and have been growing ever since. I never knew how much I needed God in my life. I never realized how valuable an Adult Bible Fellowship group could be. I didn't know what true, amazing friendship really meant until I joined a small group. But God had that all planned out for me. He knew that girl in the picture would struggle to have just one child. He knew she would give up her teaching and coaching and love for all those students to love the one precious child He gave her. He knew. And He knows where I'm going in the next ten years, too. I look at myself and laugh at how different I am from that picture. Maybe I should take a picture of myself today so I can look at it and laugh in ten more years.
Ha! No need to wait ten years to laugh at that! I do wonder what the future holds. Aria will be 13 in ten years. Holy cow I'll have a teenager! I will have a student the same age as the ones I loved so dearly when I was teaching. Maybe I will be teaching again. Maybe I won't. Maybe we will still live here and be a part of a lot of the same things we do now. Maybe we won't. Whatever is in store, I know I will trust God a lot more than I did ten years ago.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
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