It's Monday. We just had a lovely 4 day weekend. Let it all come crashing down. It's a dog vomit, bathroom accident, entire body break out in hives, cry because you don't know why, at least the largest stye ever is finally healing with a headache kind of day. It's days like today where I think I need a vacation. Oh wait. We just had a 4 day vacation from the normal routine.
What I need is Jesus. Only he can bring me peace. Only he can ease my stress. Time spent with him on a day like today makes it all okay.
And I need to remember. Once upon a time I longed for this. I dreamed of this. I thought I would never get to have this.
Okay, I didn't long for my dog to vomit and my body to be full of hives and for my daughter to be too busy to make it to the bathroom. But I did long to be a mom. And let me tell you, to get to be a mom makes all that worth it.
Because sometimes I forget that I could hardly stand to look at a pregnant person.
Because sometimes I forget that I cried nearly every day wondering why I couldn't be pregnant, too.
Because sometimes I forget that baby showers and newborn babies still send me running in the opposite direction.
And that I once had a teaching job that I stressed about. I loved those kids so much but couldn't love my own. I coached basketball and poured my heart into those players because I couldn't pour my heart into my own.
Once upon a time I thought all this was not possible and I would grow old never knowing what it felt like to feel my baby kick inside my belly. To hear her first cry. To decide who she looked like. To have someone depend completely on me. To hear her call me mom.
But it was possible. Because all things are possible with God. He gave me this little girl. He gave me the honor of being her mom. He gave me the privilege of learning to deal with vomit and urine and hives. And learning to rely 100% on him.
So for all that, I am thankful.
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