It's Not a Competition

Warning: This blog post might irritate some readers. 
Notice:  It is not written with the intent to irritate readers, merely to express the opinions of this author.

Competition is something I have enjoyed most of my life.  I love sports.  I played several sports all the way through college.  I coached.  I love competition.  But when it comes to my child, enough already!  It is so easy to get sucked into the "what is your child doing?" "how old was she when she accomplished that skill?" "can so and so do what she is doing?"  It is especially easy when you are a stay at home mom and your adult interaction is usually with other stay at home moms who have kids around the age of your child. 

I love my group of moms and kids that Aria and I get to interact with, usually on a weekly basis.  I love that Aria recognizes and asks about her friends.  I love that I have friends!  I don't love how I get caught up in comparing the talent level and skills of our children.  It never fails that the conversations lead to crawling, walking, talking, eating with a spoon, potty training, recognizing letters, saying prayers, jumping, singing, making animal noises, etc, etc, etc.  While I think it is important to have conversations on those topics, I often leave frustrated or feeling like a failure as a mom because my kid isn't doing something that another kid is. 

I admit, I am very guilty of doing a lot of the comparing.  I ask questions because I want to make sure Aria is developing like she should.  But sometimes my questions are about things that aren't necessarily vital developmental issues.  Or, they are about something that I know Aria is already way ahead in.  My reason/excuse for doing this is my lack of confidence in social situations.  I don't know what else to talk about, so I talk about Aria and what she can do.  Most of the time I talk myself into feeling silly. 

However, there are other times when I feel like other moms are trying to one up my stories about Aria.  I might have shared something she did just because I thought it was cute, funny, or cool.  But then I hear a story about how that kid did it better.  I really don't like that.  I don't like how some people want their kid to be the first and the best at everything.  Well, that sounds silly because we all want the very best for our kids.  But some people go over the top with their expectations because of some desire for saying their kid was the first or the best.

Why does it have to be a competition?  A friend once told me, "They all walk, talk, and go to the bathroom by themselves by the time they go to kindergarten so there's no use worrying about it now."  So true.  Even at Aria's young age there are tasks that were accomplished so long ago they don't matter anymore.  Take crawling for example.  I would say Aria was an average to late crawler.  She rolled instead.  Does that matter now?  Does it effect her in any way?  She doesn't even need that skill anymore, except to crawl through her tunnels!  So, why did I and others make it such a competition from six to ten months when it was at the height of necessity? 

The bigger problem is the insecurities we have within ourselves.  We don't just compare our kids, we compare ourselves.  We compare body types, mothering skills, cooking skills, degrees, house cleanliness, knowledge of the Bible, organization, and a plethora of other things.  None of that is necessary.  God made each of us unique, beautiful, and special.  That includes our kids and our husbands.  My purpose is different than any other person's.  Aria's abilities are unique to her, not the same as all the other toddlers in our area.  We should be celebrating our differences and using them to help others. 

I've been thinking about this competition thing a lot lately.  I hope that putting my thoughts into words on this screen will make me stop the comparing and start celebrating differences.  It would certainly make my world a better place!